The Monkey King: A Superhero Tale of China, Retold from The Journey to the West (Ancient Fantasy) Read online

  The Dragon King cleared his throat nervously. “I remember now that in my treasury is an iron rod once belonging to Yu the Great. He used it to pound down the beds of the rivers and seas in the time of the Great Flood. Perhaps it will meet your needs.”

  “Bring it out and we’ll have a look,” said Monkey.

  “I’m afraid that’s impossible,” said the Dragon King. “It weighs ten tons, and not one of us can lift it! We’ll have to go ourselves to see it.”

  The Dragon King led Monkey across a courtyard and into the treasury, then pointed out a pillar of black iron. It was twenty feet high and as thick as a barrel, and both ends were tipped with gold. As Monkey approached, the pillar began to glow.

  “It likes me!” said Monkey.

  He examined the pillar closely and found characters inscribed near the bottom band.

  CELESTIAL STAFF OF THE OBEDIENT IRON

  Monkey put both hands on the pillar and lifted it. The Dragon King gasped.

  “The weight seems right,” said Monkey. “If only it were smaller.”

  At once, the staff shrank to 15 feet and became thinner too.

  “Wonderful!” said Monkey. “It really is obedient! But even smaller would be nice.”

  It shrank to 10 feet.

  “Almost there,” said Monkey.

  Five feet.

  “Perfect!” said Monkey. He hefted the staff and declared, “It weighs the same as before!”

  As they returned through the courtyard, Monkey tried some practice thrusts and parries. The Dragon King turned pale and jumped out of range. “Brother, please be careful!”

  Monkey said, “I believe this little beauty will do anything I want.” He called out, “Grow!” Both Monkey and the staff shot up to over two hundred feet tall.

  “Take this! And that!” he shouted, swinging at an imaginary foe. The water swirled so furiously, it nearly swept away the Dragon King.

  Then Monkey called “Shrink!” Monkey and staff returned swiftly to normal height. “Smaller!”—and the staff alone became the size of a needle. Monkey lodged it safely in his ear.

  He turned to the Dragon King, who was now trembling violently. “Thank you, brother! You’ve been a most gracious host!”

  “Don’t mention it,” said the Dragon King.

  And with a leap and a somersault, Monkey was gone.

  4

  Death’s Domain

  On the surface of the Eastern Sea, not far from the Dragon King’s palace, Monkey landed lightly on a barren rock that jutted above the waves. Stretching himself out on it, he yawned and then studied the sky.

  “Now that I’m an Immortal, I think I’ll fly up to Heaven and become a god as well. But that’s all after a good nap.”

  He closed his eyes and quickly drifted into sleep.

  All at once Monkey felt himself jerked to his feet. Two men were clutching his elbows. One man had the face of a horse, the other had the head of an ox.

  Horse Face held an official document, which he studied closely. “Is your name Monkey?”

  “That’s right,” said Monkey, in a daze.

  “All right,” said Ox Head, “get moving!”

  They started to drag him off. Stumbling once, Monkey happened to glance back. There he saw himself, still lying on the ground!

  They rounded the rock and started across a desolate plain. The sea was nowhere in sight. “Where is this?” he asked. “And how did I get here?”

  “He wants to know how he got here!” snorted Horse Face.

  “You got here the same way as everyone!” said Ox Head.

  After a while they came to the wall of a city. Above the gate was an iron placard with characters inlaid in gold.

  DEMON GATE OF THE LAND OF DARKNESS

  “Land of Darkness?” exclaimed Monkey, at last coming fully awake. “But that’s the realm of Yama, Lord of the Dead! I don’t belong here!”

  “That’s what they all say!” said Horse Face.

  “But I’m an Immortal!” protested Monkey. “I’ve gone beyond death!”

  “Tell it to the judge!” said Ox Head.

  “All right, I will!” said Monkey, snatching his staff from its hiding place in his ear. “Grow!” he cried, and in half a moment he was swinging five feet of it.

  “We didn’t mean it!” cried Horse Face, fleeing through the gate.

  “Can’t you take a joke?” said Ox Head, racing after.

  Monkey followed them in, still swinging his staff. The demons of the city were terrified, and not one of them dared get in his way. By the time Monkey reached the Palace of Darkness, Lord Yama and the other nine Judges of the Dead were waiting on the steps.

  “Sir, what seems to be the trouble?” asked Yama nervously.

  “The trouble?” said Monkey. “The trouble is you’ve brought me here!”

  “But sir, I assure you,” said Yama, “you will be judged fairly and punished—I mean, re-educated—strictly according to your past deeds. Then when the evil you’ve done has been avenged—I mean, corrected—you’ll be returned to the Land of Light for a brand new life.”

  “I don’t want to be reborn!” said Monkey. “I don’t want to die in the first place! Don’t you realize I’m an Immortal?”

  “An Immortal!” said Yama in consternation. “There must be some mistake!”

  “Exactly!” said Monkey. “I demand to see the Register of Life and Death.”

  Yama led him into the Hall of Darkness, where a clerk dragged out several musty volumes. Monkey searched till he found his name.

  “Writing brush!” commanded Monkey, and the clerk gave him one dipped in ink. Monkey blotted his name from the register. “That should do it,” he said.

  “This is most irregular!” protested Yama.

  “Tell it to the judge!” said Monkey. He slammed the book shut and rushed out. Then he made his way back to the city wall, swinging his staff as he went.

  Just outside the gate, Monkey tripped and fell rolling. When he opened his eyes, he was back on the rock in the Eastern Sea.

  “Wonderful!” cried Monkey as he jumped to his feet. “Next stop: Heaven.”

  5

  The Emperor of All

  High above in Heaven, at the Cloud Palace of the Golden Doors, in the Hall of Divine Mist, the Jade Emperor, Ruler of Heaven and Earth, was having a bad day.

  He had spent his whole morning stamping his official seal on documents promoting or demoting heavenly officials. In the afternoon his wife, the Lady Queen Mother, had demanded his help with the invitation list for the Grand Banquet of Immortal Peaches. And now both the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea and Yama, Lord of the Dead, stood before him complaining of some kind of monkey who had become immortal, with power enough to threaten them both.

  “I’ll see to it at once,” said the Jade Emperor. “Now, both of you, please return to your kingdoms.”

  No sooner had the Dragon King and Yama left the hall than a lieutenant rushed in and bowed to the ground.

  “Your Majesty, there’s trouble at the East Gate. A talking monkey arrived there an hour ago and demanded entrance. Four of our guards engaged him in combat, but he is holding them all off with a simple staff.”

  “Indeed,” said the Jade Emperor, raising an imperial eyebrow. “This must be the monkey Immortal that was reported to us.” He turned to his commander-in-chief, the Heavenly General of Mighty Miracle. “Round up the twelve Thunder Generals and arrest the fiend.”

  But the Spirit of the Great White Planet Venus stepped forward and said, “Your Majesty, as your chief minister, I must point out that this monkey’s deeds may not yet merit such a response. Would it not be better simply to invite him into Heaven and offer him a position? Then we could keep an eye on him and avoid further trouble.”

  “An excellent idea,” said the Jade Emperor. “You may go at once to extend the invitation.”

  The Great White Planet soon returned with Monkey and bowed low before the Celestial Throne. “Your Majesty, I have brought th
e Immortal.”

  “Remarkable,” said the Jade Emperor, looking Monkey up and down.

  “Glad to meet you too!” said Monkey. “So, what’s it like, running the universe?”

  A gasp went up from the Great White Planet and from the other court officials. The Jade Emperor stared icily at Monkey. “In light of your primitive background and the recentness of your arrival, I will overlook your ignorance of court etiquette.”

  “Thank you, Your Majesty!” said Monkey. “I knew we’d get along.”

  “Now, in regard to a post,” said the Jade Emperor, “my officials tell me the only current vacancy is as a supervisor in the Imperial Stables.”

  “Sounds important!” said Monkey. “I’ll take it!”

  “Very good,” said the Jade Emperor. “Henceforth, your title shall be ‘Protector of Horses.’”

  “‘Protector of Horses,’” said Monkey dreamily. “Thank you, Your Majesty!” And as the Great White Planet pulled him quickly from the hall, he called back, “You won’t be sorry!”

  “I’m not so sure about that,” muttered the Jade Emperor.

  6

  Havoc in Heaven

  At the Imperial Stables of the Jade Emperor, a banquet of welcome and congratulation was being held for the new Protector of Horses. In just a few weeks of Monkey’s care, the thousand heavenly coursers and chargers had begun to grow sleek and muscular. The officials under him liked him as well, and so had gathered in his honor.

  “What a wonderful feast!” said Monkey as he sampled all the dishes. “I certainly like the food here in Heaven!”

  “This isn’t bad,” said his chief assistant wistfully. “Still, it’s nothing compared to the food at the Grand Banquet of Immortal Peaches.”

  “What’s that?” asked Monkey.

  “Each year the Lady Queen Mother holds a banquet at the Pavilion of the Jade Pool. Her guests all dine on Immortal Peaches grown in her orchard. Each peach has ripened for nine thousand years and adds that many years to the life of the one who eats it. And for dessert, they have Pills of Immortality, made from Elixir of Life refined by Lord Lao Tzu in the Crucible of the Eight Trigrams. A single pill will guarantee eternal life.”

  “I can hardly wait!” said Monkey. “When is the banquet?”

  “Today,” said the assistant.

  “But I haven’t had an invitation,” said Monkey.

  “Of course not,” said the assistant. “Your post is too low.”

  “What do you mean?” said Monkey in alarm. “I thought Protector of Horses was a high-ranking position.”

  “On the contrary,” said the assistant. “It’s so low, it has no rank at all!”

  Monkey was stunned. “So that’s what they think of me, is it? Me! The Monkey King! Well, I won’t stand for it! I’ll go to the banquet whether they want me or not!”

  He rushed outside, somersaulted onto a cloud, and sped off.

  * * *

  At the Pavilion of the Jade Pool, servants ran about, busily setting the tables. From where he had landed nearby, Monkey could see trays loaded with Immortal Peaches, and bowls brimming with Pills of Immortality. There were also large pitchers filled with juice of jade, and heaping plates of delicacies like unicorn liver and phoenix marrow.

  Monkey’s mouth watered. “I won’t bother waiting for the other guests,” he said. “Change!”—and he became an exact image of the Spirit of the Great White Planet Venus.

  Monkey stepped into the pavilion and announced in the chief minister’s voice, “A command from the Jade Emperor! You are all to go to the Cloud Palace of the Golden Doors for further instructions.”

  “What in Heaven could that be about?” said the head steward. “All right, we’d better not dally.” And all the servants rushed off.

  As soon as Monkey was alone, he changed back to himself and started grabbing peaches right and left. They tasted so heavenly, he wanted to eat them all—but since there were so many, he took just a bite or two from each one. He guzzled the jade juice and bolted down whole plates of delicacies. And he popped Pills of Immortality into his mouth like peanuts.

  “At last!” he said. “A feast fit for a Monkey King!”

  * * *

  At the Cloud Palace of the Golden Doors, in the Hall of Divine Mist, the guests of the Lady Queen Mother had gathered to await the Grand Banquet of Immortal Peaches. Nearly all of the most important divinities were there, including ministers from all departments of the heavenly administration, heavenly generals, many star and constellation spirits, and a number of Bodhisattvas and Immortals. Seated beside the Jade Emperor and the Lady Queen Mother were Lord Lao Tzu, Supreme Patriarch of the Way, and Kwan Yin, Most Compassionate Bodhisattva and Goddess of Mercy.

  As the Jade Emperor conversed with the guests, the head steward entered and bowed low before the Celestial Throne. “Your Majesty, your servants are assembled outside the hall, awaiting your instructions for the banquet.”

  “Instructions?” said the Jade Emperor. “I have none to give!”

  “But, Your Majesty,” said the steward, “the venerable Spirit of the Great White Planet Venus commanded us in your name to come and receive them!”

  “The Great White Planet has been here the whole time, and I gave no such order!” The Jade Emperor turned to his commander-in-chief, the Heavenly General of Mighty Miracle. “Go at once to the Pavilion of the Jade Pool and find out what’s behind this. And take along the twelve Thunder Generals, in case there’s trouble.”

  * * *

  At the Pavilion of the Jade Pool, Monkey had eaten as much as he possibly could and was patting his stomach in satisfaction. But a moment later he looked nervously at the scene around him.

  “I don’t think I’ll win any friends this way!” he said. “I’d better clear out before I’m spotted.”

  But just then the Heavenly General of Mighty Miracle ran up with the twelve Thunder Generals. “Monstrous monkey!” he bellowed. “You’ve ruined the Grand Banquet of Immortal Peaches!”

  “There’s not much doubt about that!” said Monkey, with a sheepish grin. “But what are you going to do about it?”

  “You sickening simian!” roared Mighty Miracle. “Have a taste of my battle-ax!”

  Mighty Miracle rushed at Monkey, who grabbed his staff from his ear and called, “Grow!” Just in time, he blocked the swing of Mighty Miracle’s ax.

  “You’ll have to do better than that!” said Monkey.

  Mighty Miracle swung again and again, but Monkey parried every blow. Soon they were moving so fast, their arms were just a blur.

  Mighty Miracle bellowed, “Let’s see if you can face my magic powers! Grow!”—and he shot up to over a hundred feet tall.

  “I know that trick too!” called Monkey. “Grow!”—and he was once more face to face with his opponent.

  The noise of their battle was deafening, and their movements raised a wind that nearly blew away the twelve Thunder Generals. But neither could gain an advantage.

  All at once Monkey cried, “Shrink!” and somersaulted into the air. At normal size, he sailed right by Mighty Miracle’s battle-ax. He brought his staff down squarely on the Heavenly General’s shoulder as he passed over it.

  Mighty Miracle roared with pain, then quickly shrank to normal size and retreated.

  Now the twelve Thunder Generals surrounded Monkey and attacked him with their battle-axes, swords, lances, halberds, maces, and scimitars. Monkey whirled like a top, countering every blow. But after a while he grew tired.

  “This is hardly a fair fight!” he said. “But here’s a trick you haven’t seen yet!”

  He yanked a dozen hairs from his tail, threw them in the air, and cried, “Change!” Each hair became a monkey that swung an iron staff against one of the Thunder Generals.

  “Now I can take a break!” said Monkey. He put his staff away in his ear and stood grinning in the midst of the battle.

  At that moment, the Imperial Chariot arrived at the pavilion with the Jade Emperor, the
Lady Queen Mother, Lord Lao Tzu, and Kwan Yin.

  The Jade Emperor was aghast. “What did I tell you! It’s that fiendish monkey again!”

  “Just look at my banquet!” cried the Lady Queen Mother. “It’s a complete disaster!”

  “Your Majesty,” said Kwan Yin to the Jade Emperor, “it appears that your generals could use a bit of help in dealing with the Immortal. Will you permit me?”

  “Most Compassionate Bodhisattva,” said the Jade Emperor, “I am grateful for your offer. But I must point out that you have no weapon.”

  “I have this porcelain vase of willow twigs, which I always carry with me,” replied Kwan Yin. “Allow me to show you how useful it can be.”

  Kwan Yin stamped her foot, rose a hundred feet in the air, and landed on a magic cloud. Then taking careful aim, she dropped her vase right onto Monkey’s head.

  Monkey dropped unconscious to the ground. The fighting monkeys at once changed back to hairs, returning to his tail.

  Kwan Yin retrieved her vase and landed back in the chariot.

  “Well done!” declared the Jade Emperor.

  “It is not worth mentioning,” replied the Bodhisattva.

  The Heavenly General of Mighty Miracle came up. “Your Majesty, what are your wishes regarding the Protector of Horses?”

  “Take him at once to the execution block,” said the Jade Emperor. “Cut him into a thousand pieces!”

  “Your Majesty,” said Lord Lao Tzu, “I’m afraid such a punishment is no longer possible. After eating so many of my Pills of Immortality, his body must be as hard as a diamond. No weapon could pierce or even scratch it.”

  “Then what are we to do with him?” asked the Jade Emperor in dismay.

  “Perhaps I can be of service,” said Lao Tzu. “Hand him over to me, and I’ll heat him in my Crucible of the Eight Trigrams. In just an hour his body will be consumed to ash—and at the same time, I can recover my elixir.”

  “I accept your kind and considerate offer,” said the Jade Emperor. “We will return to the palace to await word of your success.”